The Feeling of Silence
by GondorCalling
Summary: "It's been ten years."


A short one-shot I thought of today. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Destiel would have been canon years ago if I owned spn

* * *

"Hey Sam have you seen my-"

Dean stopped when he walked into the bunker's study to find no sasquatch of a brother. "Coulda sworn he was here just a minute ago..." He grumbled. Dean shifted his eyes to the unattended piles of open books on the table. It wasn't like Sam to just up and leave everything out like that. Then again, Dean thought, the kid was pretty tired lately with all the shit that had been going down. Maybe he had just gone to his room to finally get some well needed sleep. "Yeah right." He sighed, like Sam would ever willingly sleep.

Dean headed to Sam's room but was surprised to find the door swinging open when he opened it. The room was dark and silent, "Sam?" he called warily. No answer. Clearly it was currently empty. He stepped inside the room, relaxing a little and turned on the lights. A chill ran down his spine because Sam's room... Well it seemed pretty un-Room like. The walls were a stark bland colour and there were no pictures on the walls. The only thing visible was a very uncomfortable looking bed, and piles of books and laundry as far as the eye could see. Dean sat on his brother's bed and sighed. A memory of something Sam had once said to him came up, _'Friends, Dean? You don't have any friends! All of your 'friends' are dead!'_

_"_Well you're not doing any better than me in that department, I guess." He voiced aloud. Actually, Dean had to admit that Sam was doing _way _worse than he. Sam had lost the love of his life, and sure there was that whole incident with Ben and Lisa and the memory thing, but at least Dean hadn't had to watch them die above him on a ceiling and burn. Then there was every other girl his brother tried to sleep with. From the little information Dean has managed to glean about Jess, she had been a pretty great gal. Unfortunately free will wasn't in the Winchester's vocabulary no matter how hard they tried. Dean stood up from the bed and walked out of the room. He was going to get that kid some stuff... As soon as he found him that is.

* * *

Sam was in the Impala. He had been for the past 2 and a half hours. The keys were in his hands but he hadn't been able to use them yet. His damn hands wouldn't stop shaking. He heard his brother call his name and vaguely registered him running over to the Impala. He didn't even look up when the passenger door slammed shut.

"Where were you heading off to without me Sammy?"

Crap.

He sounded angry.

"Were you planning on taking off? Why? What in God's name is so important that you felt the need to make me search the entire bunker up and down for you?"

"'m not going anywhere Dean; can't." Sam's voce was hoarse and a little shaky. He finally looked at his brother, "My hands won't stop shaking, see?" With a humourless laugh and raised his hands and the concern in Dean's eyes increased ten-fold. Dean grabbed them and tried to hold them still.

"All right dude, fess up. What's going on man?"

Sam closed his eyes and rested his head against the top of the leather seat. He pulled his hands out of Deans grasp. "It was today."

"What was today? Sam, look at me. What was today?"

He didn't look at Dean, he didn't want to. "Ten years ago today I met her... and I fell in love" He finished quietly.

The two Winchesters sat in silence for a while after that. Dean silently cursed himself. Today was the day his pain in the ass, geeky little brother had met Jessica Moore. Dean had had no idea that Sam was still dwelling on her but, then again, why wouldn't he? Amy had been the only known woman that had actually filled that place in Sam's heart but now she was gone too. Dean watched his brother as the tears started to roll down his baby brother's face and he a pain in his chest. Dean spoke carefully and quietly, "I'm real sorry man. Wanna talk about it?"

Sam took a shaky breath and nodded. Dean grinned a little ruefully; talking it out and having chick-flick moments like these was always the best way to deal with his little brother's emotions.

Despite wanting to talk about it, it took Sam another few minutes to actually start speaking.

"It's kind of dulled off now, the pain I mean. It has been like that for years now. There's just, certain times when I get like this and it's so damn annoying because I know she's not coming back, and I know there's never going to be another girl like her." Dean cursed silently. Sam had been getting into these slumps before and he had never noticed it? How many times had that happened? Scratch that, don't even try to answer; Dean didn't want to know.

"I thought you had kind of, gotten over her, moved on, y'know?"

"I know. I thought I had too. I just-I looked at the date today and I started thinking, and thinking leads to remembering, and remembering often leads to pain."

Dang! This kid was just breaking his heart.

"What is it you miss the most? Maybe if we talk about her it'll get better."

Sam sniffed. "Yeah, maybe." He scratched the side of his nose and said, "I think it's the emptiness. It's not like that anymore but I remember when we just got back together, I would see something or say something and turn around to look for her but… It's also her laugh. She had the greatest laugh." Sam paused for a moment to think and finally said, "Most of all though, I think it's the feeling I have right now. It's like I know I'm missing a piece of me and my gut is pushing me to find out what's wrong and fill it but nothing will fit, no matter how much I want it to. It's the feeling of silence."

"Dude, that is so Simon and Garfunkle." Dean announced after mulling over the whole moment for a while.

Sam huffed and rolled his eyes. "That's the _'Sound of Silence' _Dean."

"Only you would know that. Geek."

"I just have better taste in music."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."


End file.
